I want to thank you dearly for all of the support I have received from you. My sanity and survival has ultimately been because of you. For that I cannot offer or put into words the value of this. In the last ten years, more so the last five, my life has been incredibly unstable. I came into my illnesses with no surety of my personality, life and life purpose. During these years of my health difficulties I have won and lost myself time and again. I am not the person I once was, even now I am still realising who I am and what I have done, all in the hopes of trying to find out.
I would like to acknowledge my appreciation over how significant your sharing of personal experiences and stories is. It takes strength and character to open up in such a way. I recognise the names of most people who follow me and the connections that I have felt with all of you are valuable and comforting to me. Being unwell for so long with diseases such as mine can be, and is, so isolating. Even those who are closest to you and think of your dearly can be tested. It is their patience and strength of character that has guided them in how to stay faithful at times. Your willingness to open yourselves up and invite strangers and friends in at such a vulnerable time is a true indication of your strength. You have tenacity, vitality and fortitude. You are courageous, inspirational and audacious. No one can take that from you. Never doubt that.
I would like to provide some reassurance that I am well. The Systemic Lupus Erythematosus that riddles my body is held securely at bay by my excellent, trusted and comfortably familiar medical teams. The Lupus Cerebritis haunting my brain is managed and contained for now, which is as good as I can hope for. No new troubles have cropped up, my medications are satisfactorily sustained. My re-entry into the World of The Well and Living has stuttered a bit. Now, I am finally able to see clearly out from the rock I have been living under. The direction I had hoped and expected my life to take is completely opposite to where I currently at. This is normal apparently, and my troubles are Just Normal People Troubles. Yay! (?) It has been a real eye-opener, moving into the real and adult world. A lot of skills and traits are coming back in dribs and drabs. Relearning them is difficult but worth it.
I would like to say goodbye. This goodbye comes from a place of good health and a healing soul. It comes with the Biggest Revelation That No One Saw Coming And You Wouldn’t Believe What I Happens Next. Okay I may have picked up some tips on sensationalising small events from how TV advertising promotes reality shows…but I promise this will not get awkward…When I say goodbye to you, I am, in a way, saying goodbye to many more. In this life, This Lupus Life, I may be helping some, I know, but I am no longer helping myself. I want to live in the world, not just talk about it, analyse it, or have an opinion on it. My goodbye is in the sense that I will be walking away from social media. If I am on social media, I want it to be through me. Jessie. The Girl. Not the illness that I share a body with. I will not be completely erasing my social media accounts. You will still be able to see the vessels I communicated through. Instagram, Facebook, and this website. They will all still be there, as will my online catalogue of posts. You most definitely can still contact me on them for advice. Maybe a general conversation. But no longer will my communications be coming to you in regular scheduling, or at all. This is not because of anything you have done. It is not you, it is me 😉.
As it is, I do mentor and guide people diagnosed with chronic and autoimmune disorders. When it comes to this, I do not discriminate on age. I hold a valid Working With Children Card, and like to discuss with parents desired communication and expected behaviours, if need be. If you want to make sure you are on the right track, are struggling with medications, doctors, or getting the right treatment, medication, medical specialist, health and well-being specialist to help you feel that you are the best version of you, I will help you. I just cannot maintain the same level of commitment or justify focusing the same degree of attention on my body’s dysfunction.
What I Can and Will Try to Do
If you have something funky going on with you there is a high chance, I have had it happen to me. TRUST ME when I say that I have had a lot more go on that you have not read. Either it is embarrassing, private, or involves someone that I do not want to compromise by talking about. No topic is too awkward to talk about with me. My capacity for abiding in confidential practices is strong. I am always prepared to listen, helping you to bring about a satisfactory outcome.
This Is It
And so now I must say it. It is time to say my goodbye. I wish all of you the most joyous life with all the happiness that can fit in your heart. We often look towards such big events that, if we are not careful, we miss all of those little ones. These little ones are like leaves blowing down the path. Look for them and appreciate them. These are the ones that will keep you going and lift you up the most. You are amazing. You are incredible. You are perfect, just the way you are.
I love you