I know it is early. I know I run a rather large risk of putting my foot in it and cursing myself. I want to wrap myself in a onesie made of timber, whilst sitting on a timber seat wearing authentic timber clogs.
To heck with it, I feel confident enough to say it anyway. Here goes…
I think the end is in sight. Maybe only for a while. I don’t know. Who really does?
I feel like I am thinking clearer than I have in at least two years. I feel physically stronger and healthier in a much more stable way than I have been in years.
I warned you I was running a big risk and I hope I prepared you adequately. I realise that once something is on the internet it will never truly be erased and this is about as damning a way as possible to go about screwing myself over. But that is just how confident I feel. In the same way that I felt surety that certain phases of my life were completely behind me.
It is hard for me to put in to words exactly how this feeling of security in the idea of my future health has come about or how it feels inside me. So simply put, I don’t think I will try just now. What I will do, in order to explain, is I will start to compile a series of posts about who I feel I truly was meant to be. Who I am and what I can accomplish. What my True Potential as a soul bound to this body in this life trip on this planet, could have achieved, and has attempted to persevere to despite my SLE-influenced restrictions.
The series I will be releasing over the next little while will be revelations I am coming across about myself. Things that have passed out of my interest since my initial diagnosis with SLE (Systemic Lupus Erythematosus) and RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis). I will attempt to share with you the interests I used to hold, the talents I cultivated through many hours of hard work and the talents and skills I was in the process of cultivating in my late teenage years.
My intention and idea is that by revealing this series to you, I will not only sharer the parts of myself that I have not yet shared, but I will be able to reveal where my coping mechanisms, interests and ideas come from. You will see what inspires me, and possibly be inspired yourself. You will maybe take some ideas of things to try yourself in order for you to also cope with your current ailments. We also know I like to use a lot of words, and ramble on, and you will likely come across many of my musings on my life lost, my isolation and my pain burdens. I don’t like for people to know about how much Lupus has cost me, what hurt and emotional damage it really has inflicted and how vulnerable and scared it has left me. I believe this sharing of myself as I come back in to skills I have left aside for so long will provide insight (maybe) in to what I have felt. I may not do this. I’ve kept a lot of things close to the chest for a long time. But maybe, just maybe, revelations will abound.
Either way, please stay tuned for Recovery (My Next Journey).